Stolen Vows

The Illusion of No-Fault Divorce and
The Rise of the American Divorce Industry

Fox steps on an industry's toes
The Middletown Journal

-by Judy Parejko 7-30-03

Butler County Commissioner Michael Fox stepped on a hornet’s nest when he released his report, A Culture of Secrecy, Fear and Judicial Abuse. Citizens are swarming to tell their stories but he is also getting stung by Republican officials who are alarmed by the way he is exposing the dark underbelly of the court system.

Fox has been both praised and chastised for his efforts. Local citizens are rallying to his cause. But he’s been warned by Republican bosses to stop speaking out about the courts’ injustices. What he is doing goes against the usual Party practice of protecting its own since the report criticizes local judges --- who happen to also be Republicans in this county where Democrats are essentially on the endangered species list.

Living outside the state, I’ve been following this story with interest. What Fox may not understand is that the "problem" he’s exposed in Butler County is just the tip of the iceberg --- a problem that extends beyond the county, into the rest of Ohio, then throughout the whole nation --- and by doing what he did, he threatens a system --- an Industry --- that has proven to be invincible.

A lesser fool would never do what he did and expect to survive --- politically. But, apparently Fox is not so much the fool --- since he’s survived lesser things before --- as he is someone who could no longer stand the stories coming from his constituency and he acted without appreciating the gravity of the problem.

Fox claimed, "In thirty years of public service I have never been so viciously attacked as that which I am experiencing now." When I read these words, I realized he was among the "innocent" in this country who are so unaware of the insidious nature of this country’s "family law system", something that government officials unleashed --- and now harbor --- in the name of the "public good".

I have seen the workings of the Divorce Industry from the inside. My work as a Family Court Mediator gave me unusual access to the legal machinations that take over people’s lives, once one of them steps into the "trap" by hiring a lawyer. It took me a full six years to get the whole picture because the way it works is so shrewd that most people are not able to see what is right before their eyes. I call it an Illusion in the book I wrote, Stolen Vows, which tells the story of what I learned while working with divorcing couples, and also what I learned after researching the legal history of the divorce system that is prevalent in all the states.

One of the more poignant details from this research was that the divorce reforms that began in the 60's were supposed to include reconciliation services. But these services were jettisoned and then as states implemented changes, the laws were designed to give lawyers and judges maximum control over families’ lives.

Even worse, law practitioners in some states twisted the original legislative intent to maximize their own control (and income), but spouses in the throes of divorce-distress would be the last to recognize what was being done to them. What Fox is exposing is only the very edge of a problem that no other leader is now willing to take on. As for Mike Fox, he is demonstrating a kind of courage in today’s world that is beyond belief.

The divorce law revolution began in California, with its 1969 watershed bill which was signed into law by Gov. Ronald Reagan. This law-change ushered in an era of skyrocketing divorce rates nationally. Reagan --- divorced himself, but with a reputation as a devoted family man --- was Republican. His memoirs now reveal that he regrets signing the bill --- the singular action that led us into the worst social experiment this country has endured. But, it was not just one Republican involved. The sponsors of the bill --- the two who encouraged Reagan to sign --- were a Republican State Senator and a Republican State Assemblyman. In fact, the Assemblyman --- James A. Hayes --- was responsible for doggedly pursuing this bill because he was facing a divorce and he didn’t like the rules at the time. Nowadays, his actions would be called a conflict of interest. Is it possible that the "Party of Family Values" might have such a big stain on it?

Another surprising detail is that California’s bold new law was, in fact, eerily similar to Stalin’s 1918 divorce law, which was passed with the express purpose of breaking down the family and releasing the hold that religion had over people’s lives and moral values. Did California Republican lawmakers have any idea where the idea for their law came from? That part of the story has yet to be determined.

Meanwhile, the push was on to modernize divorce laws across the country. After California’s breakthrough, the rest of the states --- prompted by an elite group of lawyers called the Uniform Law Commission --- eventually changed their laws and adopted this new system.

What is playing out in Butler County, Ohio --- in the heart of the country --- is remarkable, because Fox has bumped up against a much bigger story than he realizes. His report could threaten to unravel a quietly operating conveyor belt that most don’t care about --- until they get caught in it themselves.

So, while Republican leaders are skewering Fox for doing the unthinkable --- exposing the systemic abuse that routinely occurs in so-called "family" courts --- the citizens finally have someone who understands what they’ve been up against all these years.

Fox says he believes he should serve the people --- not his party bosses. That’s a bold but dangerous notion in this day and age --- considering the record of those who don’t toe the party line. If he’s challenging the entrenched court system for his own glory so he can achieve increased name-recognition, as some claim, why would he do this, if he was already assured of the party’s nod?

Michael Fox is doing the job that our servant-leaders are supposed to do --- representing the people. Maybe it’s time for Republican leadership to scrutinize whether it also has that lofty goal. And, if Republicans really want to fly the banner of "Family Values", then they should embrace the call for reform that Fox is championing --- not try to snuff it out.

Judy Parejko lives in western Wisconsin with her husband and family. She can be reached at jparejko@juno.com. Information about her book, Stolen Vows, The Illusion of No-Fault Divorce and the Rise of the American Divorce Industry, can be found on-line at www.stolenvows.com.